Pressurised

Pressurized... Pressurised...

But whatever spelling it may be, that's what I'm feeling right now!

Ang hirap talaga kumuha ng grades kanina! Naka-hold pa pati ang grades ko ngayong semestre. But I am certain na pumasa ako. Kailangan ko pa tuloy asikasuhin bukas. Imbes na nakakapagpahinga na lang ako bukas, IMBEY! Parang nakakatamad na ring mag-ayos. Pero sayang naman kung hindi. NCM 105 na ako.

At nakipag-inuman pa pati ako kagabi.

Mayroon rin pala akong nai-open up habang lasing na ako. Sinasabi ko na nga simula pa kagabi eh. Hindi na lang sana ako nag-ambag ng pang-inom. Hinayaan ko na lang sana yung mga kasama ko na uminom, pati yung taong nakatampuhan ko.

Speaking of that person na nakatampuhan ko, alangan pa rin ako sa palagay ko kung hindi nga siya galit o hindi lang niya sinasabi sa amin na galit siya. But guess what? Nakakahinayang pa rin na nasira na lang nang ganoon yung samahan namin bilang magkaibigan.

Perhaps, that person was laughing at my back noong nalasing ako. I admit, OA akong tao. Kung sa kanya ay ganoon na lamang, inaamin kong masakit naman yun sa akin. Gusto ko sana siyang kausapin para mawala na yung paghihirap ko nang matagal, pero pinipigilan pa rin ako ng aking pride. Napagsalitaan ko pa siya ng kung ano-ano nung pauwi na kami. Taong simbahan pa man din ako at ganoon yung mga salitang lumabas sa akin sa likuran niya.

Kaya nga VIRTUALLY PRESSURISED ako. Pero nakakahinayang ding nasira na lang nang ganoon ang nabuo naming pagkakaibigan. All because of my foolishness.

Bitterness

Ang sarap talagang damhin ang hanging amihan. Talagang nalalapit na naman ang Pasko. Ngunit sana ay maayos naman ang magiging Pasko ko. Ang dami ko pa ring dapat harapin, lalo na ang pag-aaral ko. Ilang buwan na lang ay ganap na akong Registered Nurse. Sana nga ay malampasan ko ang lahat ng hirap na susuungin ko.

Ang saya talaga nang makasama ko sila "Maria" at "Gina". Nakasama ko nga pala sila sa isang duty nitong mga huling linggo. Super na-miss ko sila kaya nilubos ko kanina yung oras para makasama sila nang matagal.

I was at the school submitting my provincial duty receipt when I saw them two. At nakita ko nga sila doon. Sinamahan ko sila sa school. Siyempre, miss na miss ko sila.

Habang tumatagal ang mga kwentuhan namin, nagawa ka ring makapag-open up tungkol sa sobrang hinanakit ko. Imagine, lang gabi rin akong tumatangis dahil sa sobrang sakit ng kalooban ko. At naka-relate nga rin sila sa sakit ko.

Pareho rin pala kami ni Gina na may hinanakit ding dinarama. Mabuti pa si Maria, wala nang hard feelings at nakapag-move on na siya sa nakaraang hapdi. Pero mas malala pa rin sa akin, gayong hindi naman ako napasok sa isang kumplikadong relasyon. Ang sakit talaga. Ilang gabi din yung mga sandaling naaalala ko ang mga pangyayari na bigla na lang magiging sakit at hapdi na higit pa sa sinapak. Halos naiiyak na ako noong kakwentuhan ko silang dalawa. Pero ayaw ko rin namang magmukhang tanga.

Bakit kaya ganoon? Tila mas pinapahalagahan ko ang mga taong nagdudulot sa akin ng hirap at sakit at tinatalikuran ko ang mga taong lubos na lumulugod sa akin? Talaga nga bang malaki akong TANGA?

Marahil nga, isa akong TANGA. Pilit ko pa ring pinanghahawakan ang mga ano mang nakakasira lang ng kasayahan ko. I confess, I'm overacting again. For the past nights that I've been crying, I still haven't learned.

As I am typing right now, I'm trying to hold back my tears. Alam kong may mas karapat-dapat akong tangisan. Yun ang mga taong lubos na nagpapahalaga at nagmamahal sa akin na akin lamang binaliwala. Yun ang mga taong lumuha na rin dahil sa akin ngunit hindi ko man lang binigyang pansin.

But still, I am stupid. Oo, TANGA nga.

Roselle Nava - Mahal Mo Ba'y 'Di Na Ako

Hindi mo ba naaalala ang katulad ko
Wala na bang ganap sa puso at damdamin mo
Tuluyan bang nilimot ang lahat
Wala man lamang kahit na bakas
At ang pag-ibig natin ba'y talagang magwawakas

Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang
Nangyari ba'y ganoon na lamang
Wala na ba ang init ng pag-ibig mo
Naglaho ba sa puso mo
Kaya't ngayon ang mahal mo'y 'di na ako

Siya ba'y katulad kong kayang tawanan ang hapdi
At kung sakaling iwan mo ay kayang ngumiti
At sana man lang ay malaman niya
Hanggang ngayo'y minamahal kita
Maghihintay pa rin ang puso kong nag-iisa

Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang
Nangyari ba'y ganoon na lamang
Wala na ba ang init ng pag-ibig mo
Naglaho ba sa puso mo
Kaya't ngayon ang mahal mo'y 'di na ako

Hindi ka ba nanghihinayang
Nangyari ba'y ganoon na lamang
Wala na ba ang init ng pag-ibig mo
Naglaho ba sa puso mo
Kaya't ngayon ang mahal mo'y 'di na ako

Roselle Nava - Bakit Nga Ba Mahal Kita

Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Isa lamang at wala nang iba pa
Iaalay buong buhay
Lumigaya ka lang, lahat ay gagawin

Tumingin ka man sa iba
Magwawalang-kibo na lang itong puso ko
Walang sumbat na maririnig
Patak ng luha ko ang iniwang saksi

Bakit nga ba mahal kita
Kahit 'di pinapansin ang damdamin ko
'Di mo man ako mahal, ito pa rin ako
Nagmamahal nang tapat sa 'yo

Bakit nga ba mahal kita
Kahit na may mahal ka mang iba
Ba't baliw na baliw ako sa iyo
Hanggang kailan ako magtitiis
O, bakit nga ba mahal kita

Ano man ang sabihin nila
Pagtingin ko sa 'yo'y 'di kailan man magmamaliw
Buong buhay paglilingkuran kita
'Di naghahangad ng ano mang kapalit

Tumingin ka man sa iba
Magwawalang-kibo na lang itong puso ko
Walang sumbat na maririnig
Patak ng luha ko ang iniwang saksi

Bakit nga ba mahal kita
Kahit 'di pinapansin ang damdamin ko
'Di mo man ako mahal, ito pa rin ako
Nagmamahal nang tapat sa iyo


Bakit nga ba mahal kita
Kahit na may mahal ka mang iba
Ba't baliw na baliw ako sa iyo
Hanggang kailan ako magtitiis
O, bakit nga ba mahal kita

O, bakit nga ba mahal kita

NCM 104 Over

*MEDICAL-SURGICAL NURSING 2
*PEDIATRIC NURSING
*PSYCHIATRIC NURSING
*COMMUNICABLE DISEASES

Hopefully, I'm done with those brain-bleeding subjects on NCM 104.

Just as expected, I was with GOLDEN BOYS during our Skills Laboratory 104 exams. I missed them a lot. At least, I've had a chance being with them even for a while.

I'm gonna miss also my groupmates in NCM 104 RLE. Thanks to them.

Guess what? I'm still not certain about my fate in NCM 104. Honestly speaking, it was really BRAIN-BLEEDING. And I'm not certain if I'm gonna pass NCM 104.

Through heaven's mercy, I may be able to be in NCM 105, as well as in TCAP.

Teri de Sario - Falling

I'm afraid to fly
And I don't know why
I'm jealous of the people
who are not afraid to die

It's just that I recall
Back when I was small
Someone promised me
that they'd catch me
And then they let me fall

And now I'm fallin'
Fallin' fast again
Why do I always take a fall
When I fall in love

You think by now I've learned
Play with fire you get burned
But fire can be also warm
And that's why I return

Turn and walk away
That's what I should do
My head says go and find the door
My heart says I'll find you

And now I'm fallin', fallin’ fast again
Why do I always take a fall when I fall in love

It always turns out the same
Loving someone, losing myself
Only got me to blame
Help me I'm fallin', fallin'

Catch me if you can
Maybe this time I'll have it all
Maybe I’ll take it after all

Maybe this time I won’t fall
When I fall in love ...

Lingering Memories

Oh my, I thought that it's over and nothing to worry about. But still, I longing for someone's presence. I really don't why, but it still bothers me somehow.

Just as yesterday when I was with my long-time friend who just broke up with her boyfriend some few days ago, we both went into our friends flat to share some stories.

It went like this.

When I was with "SARAH", my long-time friend, inside the school campus, she told me that she and her boyfriend have just broke up a few days ago. She was mourning for the loss of their relationship as lovers. For long, they've been boyfriends and girlfriends. But it suddenly slipped away in just a snap, all because of his ex-boyfriend's "temptation".

I was madly shocked after Sarah told me about it. I could still remember when I was sharing some stories with his boyfriend about Sarah. And he said that he truly loves Sarah so much. Through his ex's warm utterance, it was convincing enough. But everything was nothing but irony.

We were at the flat of Sarah's friend after we knew the truth. It so happened that Sarah's friend was the companion of "Lee". And we spent our time talking about our hurts from deep within our feelings.

As I was spending my time there, I decided to bid myself GOODBYE through SMS to the one I truly loved. It was hard for me to do it but I can't anymore carry the pain inside me. For the past nights, I did nothing but to cry and mope. Just like Sarah, we haven't had much rest. So our eyebags are almost like travel baggages. But then, we only laughed at our past moments.

And then I went to a bible study. True enough, the feeling was more rejuvenating yet fortifying after our meditation inside the adoration chapel. And I prayed that everything should be alright.

Hopefully, I am happy as soon as I wake up by tomorrow. And I hope that I may be able to forget the pain from the past. After all, there are still a lot of people who appreciate as who and what I am

Sarah Geronimo - Ibulong Sa Hangin

Halata ba sa aking mga mata
Na ako ay may nais ipadama
Ngunit ako ay nangangamba
Baka may masaktang iba

Halata ba sa kilos ko't galaw
Puso ko'y may nais isigaw
Ngunit ‘di mabigkas ng labi
Nag-aalangan kung tama o mali

Ano bang dapat kong gawin
Sa magulong isip at damdamin
Hindi ko yata kayang sabihin
Wala na akong magagawa kundi
Ibulong sa hangin

Halata ko sa iyong mga mata na
Mayroon kang nais pabatid
Sana'y hanggang dito na lamang
Pagkat ayaw ko rin masaktan

Ano bang dapat kong gawin
Sa magulong isip at damdamin
Hindi ko yata kayang sabihin
Wala na akong magagawa kundi
Ibulong sa hangin

Sa hangin kita hahagkan at yayakapin
Huwag kang mag-alala
Hindi ito malalaman ng iba

Ano bang dapat kong gawin
Sa magulong isip at damdamin
Hindi ko yata kayang sabihin
Wala na akong magagawa kundi
Ibulong sa hangin

Wala na akong magagawa kundi
Ibulong sa hangin...

A Matter Of Regret

By the way, my mother has just gave birth... another sibling that I, my sister, and my brother have... so is this life...

After my happy moments comes the utter sadness and regret...

I don't know what to say for now...

But guess what?

Red Horse is calling me!!!

But wait...

I have to express off first my present thoughts through this blog of mine...

I should have been true to myself...

But my pride, as what I was telling before, has almost enveloped me...

Oh my...

Sad Jhemai... sad Merrick...

我很抱歉。

ごめんなさい。

미안합니다.

I AM REALLY SORRY...

Beyoncé Knowles - Listen

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own
My own...

Listen - Beyoncé

Bogeria Per Algú

Aw, how tired of me. There are a lot of things to do...
I should finish first my case presentation for my duty...
Then I will be having my community health nursing duty in Navotas City...
I have to manage my co-members in SUTIOC clan...
And I have to prepare for our incoming final exams...

Yet, I am still drowned within the depths of my utter silliness. And guess what? I still don't know whether I am happy or not. As a matter of fact, I have mixed emotions as of now. Indeed, I have nothing but only childish craziness of mine.

Daydreaming... singing... talking to myself... those are the things that I usually do. But guess what? I am more weird regarding with those silly matters that I do.

To be honest, I am serious when I feel something special for someone, either just an infatuation or already true love. Indeed, I am bold of expressing myself about those things. Unfortunately, I can only express those ones either through here or through my diary.

I admit, I am weak of expressing myself verbally to someone. After all, the high sense of pride is my tremendous sickness. Even though I know that my pride can only ruin me, I still can't escape from it. In fact, it has almost enveloped my heart and soul. And in return, I made a lot of regrets only because of the so-called pride.

I know that there's nothing wrong in expressing my true feelings for someone. But I am only afraid of the consequences that I might encounter as I go along with my crisscrossed life. True, I am afraid that the ones who are special to me will forever be gone from me. After all, I verily consider them as my blessings from above. Even though I am imperfect, I am still grateful that there are still good things that come to me from heaven.

And now, there is only one person who is in my mind right now. I guess, you readers already know that person is also very special to me, though I never had a chance to share some things about me to that person. I guess, it's not yet the end. I can still manage to get along with that person. I don't know why that person became so special to me. But my instinct tells me that I should be happy for that person never made me feel embarrassed and hurt.

But if I only get nothing, then I still have to move on with the constant flow of life. Anyway, there is still a better future that awaits beyond the horizon of time and space. So will it be then.

NYER! NYER! NYER!

NYER! Kakagaling ko lang sa Guagua, Pampanga dahil sa aking provincial duty. In fairness, nakatulog ako pagakarating ko kanina sa bahay.

NYER! Guess what? Naging masaya ako sa 6-day stay ko doon! Disregarding the interior image of our dormitory, I felt somewhat safe and at ease.



NYER! Thanks nga pala sa dalawa kong nag-gagandahang clinical instructors na sina Ma'am KRING at Ma'am SHIELD.

NYER! MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT sa Group 68-D na naging bahagi na rin ng puso ng isip ko, lalo na ang GOLDEN BOYS!



NYER! Mami-miss ko talaga kayo! Sa mga GOLDEN BOYS... MAHAL NA MAHAL KO KAYONG MGA HINAYUPAK! Hahahaha! Mga buwiset kayo! Tama bang kuhanan niyo ako ng picture habang natutulog ako?!? Hehehe, peace!

NYER! Sorry na sa pagiging emotero ko... naunawaan ko na kayo kung paano kayo manglambing ng mga taong nakakasama niyo (NYER! LAMBING nga ba yung ginawa niyo sa akin? Hehehe!) Pero promise... deep from my heart and mind, hindi ako mapalagay kapag hindi ko kayo kasama... Kay Kuya JL, malaki ang tiwala ko sa iyo... at panatag din ang kalooban ko sa iyo... AYABYU KUYA!




NYER! Sa mga GANDARAH GURLZ diyan, lalo na si SMC... thanks for being so good to me! Ayabyu siz! Alam mo nang malaki ang tiwala ko sa iyo!

NYER! Sana, magkaroon ako ng pagkakataong maka-bonding ko ang grupo niyo... lalo na yung mga "NANLALAMIG"... you know who you are! Peace tayo ha!

NYER NYER NYER! Kakaaning naman ang expression na ito! Pero sa loob ko, tila tawa ako nang tawa kapag naririnig ko ang NYER! Hahahahaha! NYER! NYER! NYER! Hay, kaaningan ko nga naman! NYER! Hindi siya NERD, pero basta... NYER!

NYER! There are some things that should be said and done but were not... how sad... if only I could lessen down my sense of PRIDE... kaya nga OUT OF REACH... huhuhu...

愛しています！ 사랑합니다!