Overstroomd door bier!

Good afternoon!



Within few hours... we will be within the realms of the year 2008...

So much memories to cherish on...

Thanks for our PYM Party last night...

I learned how to be more strong...

But there are still some past moments in my mind that still linger on...



SELAMAT BARU TAHUN!

Christmas... Pasko... Navidad... Noël... Natale... Weinachten... Natal... Kerstmis... Χριστούγεννα... Рождество Христово... 聖誕節... クリスマス... 성탄절...

It's Christmas Day!

Lately I had a great time at the Romero-Uy Residence in North Caloocan City...

There were lots of people there, especially the relatives of my uncles and aunts...

I could still remember the time when I was a little lad... my mom and I used to live in that house before our house was constructed...

Even though we don't have yet electricity in Longos, I can still feel the essence of Christmas...


Sad to say...
I missed some persons...
Who are so special to me...

And now... I'm about to prepare myself for the New Year... another whole new adventure for the Year 2008...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

Santa Claus Parade towards CHRISTMAS DAY!

Good afternoon!

I had a great day with my co-ministers in our dear church, San Bartolome Parish...

It was a sort of motorcade around the Vicariate of San Bartolome in Malabon City. We've been through Tañong, San Agustin, Concepcion, Panghulo, Bayan-Bayanan, Niugan, Tugatog, Acacia, Longos, and Tonsuya...

Throwing out candies to many people as gifts for them was a true fun! I've had much fun!

And afterwards will be the last Misa de Gallo for this year...

I'm so thankful that I've been living here in this adventurous world for long...

Before I conclude this, I would like to say that my wish for Japan and Korea, and for the rest of the world will be published here... in honour of all Catholic Saints...


MALIGAYANG PASKO!

Preliminary Exams before Christmas

My preliminary exams is over... all I have to do is to rest for the rest of the remaining days before Christmas...


Christmas 2007 is fast approaching... along with that, the Siberian winds carresses my delicate face...


I can't help myself... but to miss all of my friends... as well as the persons who make my life colourful...


Thanks...

孤高の荒鷲！！！

Hello everyone!

I'm very happy!!!

For a the reason... I had, once more, my encounter with my very "ATE" in show business...

And that person's none other than ROXANNE BOSCH GUINOO!!!

It's been so long since we haven't meet...

I missed her a lot...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ate Roxanne... alam kong tatagal ka pa sa showbiz... masaya akong hindi pa rin nagbago ang pakikitungo mo sa akin... kahit na sumikat ka na nang matagal... hindi pa rin nawawala ang friendship natin... I love you ate!!!

Buti na lang at ka-text na kita uli... :D

Til we meet again!!!

超越钦佩...

Good afternoon!

I'm now done with my important school tasks...

It seems like it just started earlier...

And there's nothing to worry except for more coming challenges...

Guess what? I was surprised with what I knew lately...

Someone special is a native speaker of one of my spoken languages (a sort of regional dialect, that is)...

Good thing, I'm confident enough to express myself in that person's regional dialect...

Anyway, I have to go for an important meeting...


¡ADIOS Y GRACIAS!

Getting Accomplished

Para kareng kabalen ku king Pampanga at Tarlac... MAAYAP A BENGI KEKONGAN!

I can feel that I'm getting close with some people who make my life happy, and colourful as well...

Perhaps, I should preserve my patience in order for me to gain those people as my friends...

It's only just a matter of time, after all... and everything will be all fine...

Nothing to lose, for sure... all I have to do is to wait and be sincere...

But within the depths of my mind... there are some things that are still bothering me... but it's alright...

Anyway, all I have to do is to ENJOY MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

Хорошо ночью, все

At Ease!!!

AVE!

Tomorrow is the Feast of Mother Mary's Immaculate Conception. I hope that I'll find time to attend the Holy Mass.


Anyway, I am now at ease... speaking of my mind and heart...


I thought that it will be the end of my happiness...


After 4 days of worrying...


But I feel sorry for granting the good opportunity for granted...



Καλη νυχτα, ο καθενας!

Sinister Day

Hi, it's me again...

Guess, I declared my own breaktime... anyway, I'm not yet supposed to have my return demonstration...


There are some things that makes me worried as of now...


Someone in our school is already absent for 2 days...


Imagine those days that were missed for some important activities...


If only I have courage to help that person to finish the activities...


Then it will be fine enough for me to have a peace of mind...


How I wish... I am helping that person... ahora mismo...

~~~~~~~

Oh well, I should continue with what I'm doing now...


GOOD DAY!

Hu Hu Hu... 私の日本アイドル...

I got no response from my Japanese Idol. For whatever reason, it's still uncertain...


In this cool breeze of December...


I need someone to hug me tightly... especially my favourite Japanese and Korean artists...


対応してくれ... 対応してくれ... お願い!!! お願い!!! お願い!!! 好き!!!

NCM 102 Amour

What a weak EARTHQUAKE of yesterday!!! Anyway, it has been more than two weeks ago since my classes for this semester started. I may say that I'm certain of what I will be in class. Perhaps, I have changed a bit in terms of my personality.

As the saying goes: HAGGARDNESS is next to UGLINESS. Hello... I'm too young to look old!!! But at least, I have early remedies for that. Since I am certain that this semester will be happy and fruitful semester, let me share to you some things that make me happy...

Guess what? There are a lot of good people in our Lecture Class (by the way, NCM 102 has 2 divisions: Related Learning Experience and Lecture... RLE is composed of Skills Laboratory, Community Duty, and Hospital Duty; Lecture is composed of Obstetrician Nursing, Operating Room Nursing, Community Care, and Medical-Surgical Nursing)!!! In our Lecture Class, we are composed of 2 sections: IRREGULAR 14 and IRREGULAR 16 (which is my section). What really makes me happy is that many people from both sections are kind and friendly, enough for me to mingle with them. Indeed, this is an inspiring experience, and it's good enough for me to have a drive to study more.

Perhaps, this is the start of my sharing regarding my experience in my schooling...

WIKIPEDIA: A Voluntary Task

Recently, I just got interested in creating articles on Wikipedia. It's because I'd want to promote the Filipino Language, based upon Tagalog Dialect, on the net as my first priority. Knowing the fact that some Filipinos need to research some articles using Tagalog, I have decided to contribute some articles on Wikipedia Tagalog. However, all of the articles that I have contributed are all about Korean and Japanese topics.

Anyway, these are the sites in Wikipedia where I am used to engage myself:
http://tl.wikipedia.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/
http://pam.wikipedia.org/

20 Years of Living

Oh my gosh! I just can't believe that I am now 20 years old!!! I guess, my life has been fruitful ever since... and my life will surely bloom as time passes by...

Guess, I am now done with the teenage phase of my life. Somehow, I am still happy with my life I have now. I know that I will encounter a lot of things and experiences in the future. I'm still young after all. And, my dreams are about to be fulfilled sooner or later.

Speaking of my student life, I still have one more year to study. And I only got three semesters to go before my glorious graduation. That is why I have to study harder and push stronger. And I will truly comprehend all the lessons that will be taught by my professors and clinical instructors, since I am already scheduled for my hospital tasks. And most of all, I will try to avoid things that will only ruin my studies.

Speaking of my ecclesiastic life, my role as a Parish Youth Minister in San Bartolome Parish is somewhat all right. It became easy for me to go along with my co-ministers, especially with my apprentices, "BLACK BOYS" (guess, these guys are really cool to be with). In Special Ministry of the Word, my other ministry in San Bartolome Parish, it is still uncertain of when I will be regularised in my service. And in Knights of the Altar, in Holy Family Parish Kamias, I am still agressive in returning back there to serve again as an altar server. It's because that's what my heart wants to. And I confess, I verily feel sorry for not serving there. Anyway, I am still hoping that I'll be back there before Christmas or before the year ends.

And now... I'm missing someone... the one who is so special to me... even though that person became cold in going along with other people, I can still feel the little warmth from that person's heart... I do understand that person, that's why there is no reason for me to have hard feelings... I just want to talk again with that person, even through text messaging... I do miss that person so much... guess, I didn't have time to have bonding with that person... when will that happen?

MALIGAYANG BATI SA AKIN!!!

Teardrop Crystal

Today is All Saints' Day. And my mother and I are supposed to be at my grandparents' tomb somewhere in Quezon City for today. But we planned to be there instead for tomorrow. For a reason, it's quite confidential.

My firt semester (3rd Year College) was over, and I already had my grades in NCM 101, Nursing Research, and Microbiology-Parasitology. Somehow, all of them are of satisfactory level, and I am very thankful that I passed them. After I got my grades in my school, I went to a place where I pampered myself in playing DotA. I must say, my game with other people wasn't that enjoying. I can't tell why. Perhaps, it has been for long since the last time that I was there. And many things have changed and still yet they are changing. For whatever reason, it is verily certain that all things are constantly changing as time passes by. But to be honest, the frigid atmosphere of someone who is still special to me is ostensibly sensible. I cannot anymore blame that person if still so.

The Halloween Season for this year is not creepily horrible. Perhaps, my mind is already tired of sensing things that are irrelevant to my career as a nursing student. But to become a pugnacious one is only an utter foolishness. As much as possible, I want to preserve the policy of humility in me. But sad to say, evil is gradually enveloping my weak heart and mind. But I have to fight it with my faith and fortitude that are still kept within the depths of my soul. I want to preserve as well my reputation as faithful altar servant, meek word minister, and jolly youth minister, even though I am a sinful person.

The tears from my sorrowful heart shall build stairs to success. And I shall rise up as a person who will become happy and gentle for everyone I love.

BS Nursing 3rd Year (First Semester) Ended

Well, I'm just done with all of my Final Exams. Awhile ago, I took my exam in Nursing Research. Considering the fact that it was one of the toughest subject that I've ever had, its examination questions are quite easy and comprehensible.

Anyway, I'm already done with the following subjects for this semester:

- NCM 101

• Human Development
• Human Behaviour
• Care Management
• Community Care Management
  

- Microbiology and Parasitology
- Nursing Research

And I'm done with my hospital duties in the following medical institutions:

- Sapang Palay Hospital
- Parada Health Centre
- Valenzuela General Hospital
- Quezon City General Hospital

Somehow, my experience was fruitful. I have learned a lot of of things essential for my future nursing career. After all, I'm happy in helping people.

However, I still have some unfinished businesses and tasks... such as conflicts that almost ruined my emotions... and a regret of not expressing myself with someone so special for me...

Perhaps... PRIDE is the most negative attribute in me... it's verily a destructive attribute... the mere fact that I am annoying... it makes me feel like I'm being burned into ashes that will never be whole and unique again...

The Pulchritude of Hwang Jin Yi - 黃眞伊の美 - 황진이의 아름다움

HA JI WON (하지원) as HWANG JIN YI

Indeed, Hwang Jin Yi is one of the graceful gisaeng ever in Korean History during Joseon (조선/朝鮮) period...

And now, her legendary stories will soon spread across the Philippine nation...

And such, many people will admire her beauty and gracefulness...

I wonder if she was very happy in her entire life?

I do admire her a lot...

Especially her HANBOK!!!

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES on PHILIPPINE MEDICAL SCHOOLS

"Can I check those diplomas again? Because I would just like to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines..."


The script above was mentioned by Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer) in the TV Series "Desperate Housewives." And here goes my viewpoint about her script.

I am a proud nursing student of Our Lady Of Fatima University (Valenzuela City). And for years that I am fully engaged in medical duties, I truly believe that Filipino doctors are one of the best health care providers in the world. In fact, many of them are excellent in Medical Bar Exams. And together with their commitment, sincerity, and passion in their crucial tasks, they make the lives of many people as healthy as it can be. Not mentioning the fact that Filipinos are caring and hospitable, they are admired by many people from different countries about their integrity and efficiency in rendering health services to their patient.

As what Teri Hatcher had mentioned, I guess, she did not mean to say such offensive phrases as was mentioned above. But not to mention, she was not aware of what would be the effect of her dialogue to the Filipinos, especially to doctors and all who are in medical field. And prior to that, many Filipinos were offended, including myself. Therefore, the program, Desperate Housewives, itself should make a public apology with the essence of sincerity and empathy.

As for me, such things like that should be ignored. After all, truth will always triumph and prevail. Henceforth, the dialogue shall serve as challenge to all medical doctors and health care providers from the Philippines to strive more in making themselves excellent and humble. That is, to show to the whole world what Filipinos have to be.

MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!
萬歲菲律賓!
오랫동안 필리핀은 산다!
フィリピンは長く住んでいる!
LONG LIVE THE PHILIPPINES!
¡VIVA LAS FILIPINAS!
VIVE LES PHILIPPINES!
VIVA LE FILIPPINE!
LANGLEBEN DEN PHILIPPINEN!

New Blog Site (JAPANESE)

http://ameblo.jp/leeheonjin/

The website posted above is my new Japanese Blog Site. However, my Japanese Language Proficiency is not yet fully developed. But I will still continue to post my blogs in this site.

Night Dream... Beautiful Moment at the Marikina Riverbank...

Of course, most people in their lives encounter night dreams. And when you talk about a sweet night dream, you may want to live in there forever, especially if you have lots of problems in reality. And I must say, my dream last night is one of my sweetest dreams ever!

When I was already in the realms of my dream world, everything seems like real. My dream was perfectly in technicolour. But I was aware that I was only inside my dream world. I was at the Marikina Riverbank that time. Guess, I was wearing hanbok (한복) and it was pretty cool! But the Filipino and European people, in my dream, were wearing traditional Filipino and Spanish clothes as if I was at the time of Spanish Era. Camisa Chino... Balintawak... Baro't saya... and even Barong Tagalog... When I saw the river itself, it was crystal clear (contrary to the present appearance of the river which is very dark in colour). And there are lots of beautiful trees. And some of them are cherry blossoms (サクラ)! I was thinking if there are sakuras in the Philippines. But I was silly enough to realise that I was just only in my dreams! And it was beautiful to see falling leaves from the trees, especially from the cherry blossom trees. And it was quite chilly (quite the same last night due to strong rainshower) that time. Afternoon in setting. And I could hear people singing elsewhere.

As I was walking along the grassfields, I saw a vacant picnic area under the sakura tree. As I was sitting down to relax, I was feeling the fragrant essence of cherry. Until there were these six people in kimono (着物) dress. And they looked familiar to me. Guess what? They were Yoshida Tomokazu (吉田 友一), Kinoshita Ayumi (木下 あゆ美), Takahashi Mitsuomi (高橋 光臣), Takeuchi Mio (竹内 実生), Kaneko Noboru (金子 昇), and Nakama Yukie (仲間 由紀恵)! And what's more surprising is that they were speaking in Tagalog, in distinct Manila accent, using their unique voices!

Then Takahashi asked me: "may nakaupo pa bang iba rito (is there other else supposed to sit in here?)?" And I responded that none other else is ought to sit. Even though I know that I was just only dreaming, I was almost speechless. But despite of my mixed emotions, I was still happy for having a chance to meet them, even in dreams. While they were preparing their snacks, Yoshida asked for my name and where I used to live. Of course, I responded back to him courteously. And all of them were smiling at me while Yoshida with Kinoshita and Takahashi are making an interview with me. I cannot anymore remember what were those questions that Yoshida, Takahashi and Kinoshita asked me. All I could remember is that I was enjoying myself in my dreams chatting with them.

Until I saw another six people walking towards our place. But this time, they were wearing beautiful hanbok dresses. And they are also famous Korean artists! I was a bit suprised when Takeuchi was calling them. And like Yoshida and others, the Korean stars were also speaking in Tagalog! And they were Lee Dong Wook (이동욱), Lee Da Hae (이다해), Choi Dong Wook (최동욱/Se7en), Kim Tae Hee (김태희), Joo Ji Hoon (주지훈), and Yoon Eun Hye (윤은혜)! Guess Joo Ji Hoon and Yoon Eun Hye were wearing royal hanbok, as if they were in Goong (Princess Hours)!

While the Korean stars are about to sit with us, Yoshida and Takahashi introduced me to the Koreans. And they were warm in acquainting themselves with me. Like my "New Japanese Friends"(新しい日本友人), my "New Korean Friends" (새로운 조선한국 친구) have their snacks with them. And they shared to me some of their delectable and mouth-watering snacks. Despite the dream fact, I could actually taste the distinct flavours of their snacks that they shared to me. ramen (ラーメン)... tempura (てんぷら)... yakiniku (焼き肉)... kimchi (김치)... galbi (갈비)... it was a great snack!

While I was having good time with my "new friends", I asked them if they could speak in Japanese (日本語/にほんご) and Korean (한국어/韓国語/조선말/朝鮮語) . They said that they can, but they are supposed to speak in Tagalog since they are here in the Philippines. Joo Ji Hoon and Kinoshita told me that their stay in the Philippines (Pilipinas) is great and the people here are very warm and hospitable. And in my inner side, I was flattered. Considering the fact that I am Philippine Citizen, I am proud that I bear the qualities of a real Filipino!

After our delightful snack, I was hearing someone familiar. And I followed to where that voice was coming from. And at the newly installed stage, I saw a beautiful lady singing in front of many people. And she was Thalía! She was wearing elegant dress for flamenco dance, with matching flower beside her ear! And she was singing Piel Morena! As Thalía is singing, I followed her singing too. And my friends were amazed at me. After the song, they told me that my Spanish (Español) was good! I told them that I speak Spanish but not that much. Kim Tae Hee and Lee Da Hae smiled at me, and Kim said that I am amazing despite the fact that it was only our first time to meet each other. Then Thalía sang another song entitled "Nandito Ako". I don't know why I was crying when Thalía was singing that song. And my friends also noticed the tears on my eyes. But they did not ask me why.

Until the sunset was over, I was already bidding at them goodbye. I also thanked them for the time. And Kaneko shouted out that I should be again at the riverbank in some other time. As I was walking away from them, I could feel the great happiness and immense strength.

VOILA! My mobile phone rang loud! When I woke up from my bed this morning, I noticed at the mirror that I was smiling! Perhaps, I should thank the one who made me felt a wonderful dream. ¿Quién sabe? It might soon come to reality... So will it be...

Asian Celebrities

Ever since, I have admired a lot of celebrities. Considering myself as a genuine citizen of the Philippines, I do idolise a lot of Philippine Celebrities. After all, their quality is indeed world-class. And of course, Filipinos are naturally great in any field of work, especially in acting, singing, and dancing. I am proud that I am from the Philippines.

Speaking of the celebrities overseas, I do admire some of them especially from China (中國), Taiwan (台灣), and most especially, Japan (日本) and South Korea (한국/韓國). I wonder if the people of North Korea (조선/朝鮮) will become famous someday in terms of acting, singing, and dancing. And like Philippine Celebrities, they are now very famous in celebrity field. And their fame as of now is now at its height. No wonder, I can't help myself but to idolise them as well. Perhaps, my Ural-Altaic and Sino-Tibetan instinct drive me to embrace them in my mind and heart. I'm happy to know that I am impressed with their skills in celebrity field.

Through heaven's help, I hope that I'll have a chance to meet them and to have time to make bonding with all of the celebrities that I admire. Who knows? As the saying goes: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOU MAKE WISH AND HAVE FAITH TO GOD!


ASIAN CELEBRITIES SITES
(Friendster when logged on):
http://www.friendster.com/group/tabmain.php?gid=290060
(imeem):
http://groups.imeem.com/nGNN9Nxi,asian_celebrities

MARIKINA RIVERBANK - A real good place to be!

Hay, kaka-miss na talaga yung mga araw na lagi akong tumatambay sa Marikina Riverbank sa dako ng Barangka. Whether I'm happy, sad, lonely, mad, or whatever mood I used to be, andun ako. Mga tuwing bago mag-dapithapon, andun na ako na naglalakad-lakad o nakaluklok sa damuhan. Naalala ko pa nung una akong may nakasama sa riverbank, sila M.A.H. at si D.F. noong January 08, 2005. Tandang tanda ko pa noong naglakad kami mula EDSA hanggang sa Marikina Riverbank mismo! First stop-over nila ay yung sa church namin kasi may meeting ang org namin at kailangan kong dumalo. Then ang second stop-over nila ay sa house ng tito ko para kumain sandali. Then tuloy-tuloy na kami hanggang sa Marikina! Kahit na pagod na pagod ang mga katawan namin ay tuloy kami sa paglalakad. At nagpahinga pa kami sa damuhan. Then nung April ay nakasama naming tatlo si N.B., na hindi rin inasahang doon kami mamasyal! A few days after, kasama naman namin ni M.A.H. si J.O., na first time na nakapunta dun. Tanda ko pa nung nag-VANDAL kami sa mga puno, at maging sa PINK-COLOURED MMDA URINARY POST! At nung January 08, 2006 ay nakasama naman namin nila M.A.H. at ni D.F. si R.A.A., na walang isang taon na kabilang sa secret org namin. Inabot pa kami ng gabi nun. Pero sa tuwing namamsyal ako na may kasama, si M.A.H. lagi ang kasama ko. Siya kasi ang isa sa mga best friends ko. Pero kahit na siya lang ang kasama ko ay enjoy! At isa pa, hindi naman mismo sa riverbank nangyari ang isang pagkakataon, pero nung early November 2005 ay nakita namin ni M.A.H. ang friend kong artista na si J.R.G. na may shooting noon sa Marikina Riverbank Mall!

Lingid sa kaalaman ng iba, sa tuwing mag-isa akong nagpunta sa Marikina Riverbank, tumatambay ako lagi sa isang secret place para mag-isip-isip, lalo na kung mayroon akong mga hinanakit sa loob ko. At inaawit ko ang awit na ito sa Wikang Filipino:

"hindi mo na kailangan pa ito'y sabihin pa,
na mayroong nagbago sa loob ng puso mo,
wala akong magagawa kundi palayain ka,
kaya pinilit kong huwag aminin sa iyo...

kung alam mo lang kaya ang tunay na nadarama,
nanaisin mo pa bang lumayo sa piling ko,
at kung alam mo lang sana,
kailan ma'y 'di mawawala,
ang pag-ibig ko sa iyo, laging nasa puso ko...

akala ko ay kaya na ngayong wala ka na,
ngunit hindi pala, limutin ka'y 'di magawa,
palagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko ito,
ikaw ba'y lalayo kung lahat ay inamin ko...

kung alam mo lang kaya ang tunay na nadarama,
nanaisin mo pa bang lumayo sa piling ko,
at kung alam mo lang sana,
kailan ma'y 'di mawawala,
ang pag-ibig ko sa iyo, laging nasa puso ko...

pipilitin kong itago ang lahat nito,
ngunit patuloy kong tanong,
kailan kaya magwawakas,
oh ito...

kung alam mo lang kaya ang tunay na nadarama,
nanaisin mo pa bang lumayo sa piling ko,
at kung alam mo lang sana,
kailan ma'y 'di mawawala,
ang pag-ibig ko sa iyo, laging nasa puso ko...

kung alam mo lang kaya ang tunay na nadarama,
nanaisin mo pa bang lumayo sa piling ko..."

Kasama rin ng awit na iyon ang isa pang awit na halos may kinalaman sa isa't isa, ngunit sa Wikang Koreano nga lang:

"도대체 알 수가 없어 남자들의 마음
원할땐 언제고 다주니 이젠 떠난데
이런적 처음이라고 너는 특별하다는
그 말을 믿었어 내겐 행복이었어...

말을 하지 그랬어 내가 싫어졌다고
눈치가 없는 난 널 보채기만 했어
너를 욕하면서도 많이 그리울꺼야
사랑이 전부인 나는 여자이니까...

모든걸 쉽게 다주면 금방 실증 내는게
남자라 들었어 틀린 말 같진 않아
다시는 속지 않으리 마음 먹어 보지만
또다시 사랑에 무너지는게 여자야...

말을 하지 그랬어 내가 싫어 졌다고
눈치가 없는 난 널 보채기만 했어
너를 욕하면서도 많이 그리울꺼야
사랑이 전부인 나는 여자이니까"

"오늘 우린 헤어졌어
부디 행복하라고..??
너보다 좋은 사람 만나길 바란다고??
너두 다른 남자랑 똑같애
날 사랑한다 말할땐 언제고..
솔직히 나 니가 잘 되는거 싫어
나보다 예쁜 여자 만나 행복하게 잘 살면 어떡해??
그러다 날 정말 잊어버리면 어떡해??
난 이렇게 힘든데 힘들어 죽겠는데...
아직도 널 사랑하는데"

"사랑을 위해서라면 모든 다 할수 있는
여자의 착한 본능을 이용하지는 말아줘 ...

한여자로 태어나 사랑받고 사는게
이렇게 힘들고 어려울 줄 몰랐어
너를 욕하면서도 많이 그리울꺼야
사랑이 전부인 나는 여자이니까 "

너를 욕하면서도 많이 그리울꺼야...

Nahulog na naman ba ang LOOB ko?

Hindi ko alam kung tama ba itong nararamdaman ko... Panibagong pakiramdam na naman kasi ito, eh. Matagal ko na yata ito naramdaman, pero hindi ko lang gaanong binigyan ng kahulugan. Hanggang sa nitong mga nakaraang araw ko lamang naramdaman. Isang linggo na pala ang nakalipas. At ang taong tinutukoy ko aay ang taong isa sa mga bago kong mga kaibigan. Noong una ko pa lang siya nakita ay iba, ngunit napakagaan ng nadama ko sa kanya. Hanggang sa umabot na sa punto na nagbigayan na kami ng aming mobile phone numbers. At kinabukasan ay halos buong maghapon kaming nagte-text. At halos hatinggabi na pala nung huli ko siyang naka-text. Ni hindi ko na nga nareplayan yung ibang mga nag-text sa akin. Nung araw na iyon ay marami na pala akong naikwento sa kanya, kabilang na rin ang ilang mga lihim ng buhay ko. Ngunit alam kong mapapagkatiwalaan ko siya. Mabait siya eh! Kaya hindi ako nagtataka kung bakit marami siyang kaibigan, at marami rin ang nagpapahalaga at nagmamahal sa kanya. At alam kong swerte sa kanya ang mga kaibigan niya. At kinabukasan ay ganun din kami... kumustahan... kwentuhan... kulitan... masaya ako na ka-text siya dahil hindi ako nababagot sa kanya. Pero hindi alam ng mga kaibigan ko at ng mga taong malalapit sa akin na may ugnayan kami sa isa't isa. Ewan ko lang sa kanya kung alam naman ng kaibigan niya ang aming ugnayan. Ang may ikinaiinggit nga pala ako sa kanya. At yun ay ang madalas niyang pag-eensayo sa aming paboritong laro. Buti pa siya, araw-araw na naglalaro nun. Sa aking kaso naman, hindi madalas ang aking pag-eensayo. Pero may halo namang paghanga ang pagkainggit ko sa kanya. At talagang masaya ako para sa kanya. Ngunit noong ikatlong araw ay medyo kinutuban na ako. Ni hindi niya ako binati pabalik. Kung hindi ko pa tinanong kung gising pa siya ay hindi niya ako rereplayan. Pero medyo inip na talaga ako nun, bagamat marami rin ang mga nagte-text sa akin. Tila wari patay ako nung hindi siya nakikipag-text sa akin. Pero nung gabing natapos akong nagsimba ako ay tinanong ko siya kung meron siyang kaibigang nagsisimba sa aming simbahan ng gabi. Medyo natawa ako nung sinabi niyang "AKO". Hindi ko alam kung nalabuan ba siya sa tinanong ko o nagbibiro lang siya. Pero ang sabi naman niya ay nagsimsimba siya ng dapit-hapon. At kinagabihan din ay ka-text ko uli siya. Pero may nararamdaman na akong medyo may alinlangan na siya sa pakikipag-usap sa akin. At kinabukasan... talagang wala na kaming ugnayan... ni wala akong natanggap na kahit pagbati lang... sumunod na naman ang kinabukasan na walang sagot sa mga mensahe ko... ganun din ang nangyari sa isa pang kinabukasan... at ngayon... sinusubakan ko siya kaninang tawagan, ngunit hindi niya sinasagot ang mobile phone niya. Hindi ko alam kung naiwan ba niya o sadyang ayaw niyang sagutin. Pero sa text messaging, hindi ko alam kung wala siyang load o nagsawa na siya sa akin... Ang sakit... pero bakit lagi ko siyang hinahanap??? Mas ibang pakiramdam na ito kaysa sa mga nakaraang kong sentidos... pero may halo pa ring pag-aalangan... hindi pa rin ako tiyak kung totoo na itong nararamdaman ko... at hindi ko alam kung dapat ko na nga bang pangatawanan... pero... hanap-hanap ko pa rin siya... kahapon sana ay magpapakita ako sa kanya... kaso ay ano na lang ang sasabihin niya sa akin... hindi ko alam...